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Unless you're at home. So it was easy to think that maybe lots of other people did the same thing, but didn't admit to it in public. Even so, I always felt guilty about what we were doing. But I also loved it. I was allowed to date, but had a nine o'clock curfew. But that didn't matter because I was crazy in love with my brothers. I loved both of them. It wasn't until I got to college and saw so much of the rest of the world that I realized how much I had missed out on, and that both my parents and I were using my brothers as a crutch, of sorts. Of course they got girlfriends and got married. So that's what I wanted to do too. I wanted to be normal, like everybody else. Part of that was trying to pretend that I'd had a normal childhood, too." And you met Brad," said Bob."That was the problem," she said. "I met both of you. I liked both of you too. You were brothers, and despite trying to forget the past, I was attracted to brothers. It's crazy. Maybe I was warped by what happened to. . secret love that I knew could never be.For that, in truth, was what I felt; I loved him. And not in the manner of a normal mother, oh, no! In the manner of a woman and a man. I wanted him to protect me as I cared for him, to warm my bed, to prove his love for me on my body. I lost count of how many times I had sobbed myself to sleep knowing the impossibility of my dreams, or tried to work it out of my system by masturbating and imagining I was with someone, anyone else. It never worked, though; my thoughts always returned to Brandon, muscles rippling powerfully as he vanquished anything that threatened me.After a few sessions with the counsellor that had not helped- and how could they, for I lied to her about the cause of my stress- she suggested that I try writing down my feelings and thoughts, then burn the letter to myself, symbolically ending that chapter of my life. She claimed it was a powerful tool, that organising my jumbled mind and emotions then destroying them would be.
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