Now I have to wait until tomorrow.My whole evening is a jumble of nervous soul searching and guilty pleasure. She saw me. She looked at me. She smiled. She had her own binoculars!Shit! My curtains are all closed, of course, because anyone opposite could see in. But I want her to see me, to notice me. She smiled.My hand strays to my tummy, stroking in small circles, just comforting. It doesn't mean anything. I find I'm standing at my curtains, invisible but pretending I'm not. My breathing was getting faster, a little shallow. I'm not going to touch my breasts, I mean adjust my bra, but I know I'm biting my lip. I have to learn more. I get my Apartment Information File and work out her Flat number. Isn't there a Directory of Residents somewhere? So I can find out her name, age, marital status, orientation, bra size, favourite colour, favourite wine, what kind of girls she likes.Oh! I quickly drag my hand out of my jeans, my knickers. How did it get there? And what's with all these. ” “Yes, like I’m doing to you. Except he was going at me a little rougher. And at some point, his hand went between my legs and... I didn’t even realize it had gotten hard. That’s when he started calling me things like, ‘Faggot,’ and ‘Queer,’ and ‘Cocksucker.’ ‘You’ve got a fucking boner from losing at arm-wrestling from a real man. You’re nothing but a fucking girl.’ And that’s when he decided that he was going to treat me like a girl.” “What did he do?” “In a nut-shell, he raped me.” “What!? Oh, Huck, I’m so sorry.” Nervous Chuckle. “Don’t be sorry, Tommy, you didn’t do anything. And, well, it actually wasn’t that bad.” “What!? How can being raped, not be so bad?” “Well, it was weird.” “I’ll say.” “See, you have to remember that I’d had a crush on this guy for a long time. I’d spent many, many nights laying in bed, playing with myself and thinking about doing the exact things that he made me do that day. The only difference was, when I fantasized, I did.
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