I was now able to properly appreciate Tomiko’s role when we were a ten-piece band where she managed to balance the weird mix of instruments into a pleasing whole and admired her ability to somehow fill the space of ten instruments with just four. I loved Steph for her commitment and energy and, as the tour continued, I came to love her in a much more physical way. She and I were soon lovers in a kind of distant echo of the love I’d previously felt for Crystal. Steph was very different, of course, and not just because she’d never dream of taking her clothes off on stage (though she had no such reservation in the bedroom). She was tall, she was slim and her hair was short and enticingly boyish. Inevitably my relationship with Steph (which outlasted the Crystal Passion band by several years) resulted in the band’s final demise. Jane and Jacquie became increasingly less tolerant of what they came to view as infidelity even when they shared the same bed as us. And Tomiko didn’t want to. 'Panic' would appear to be a justifiableword to use.I force myself to meet Jeremy's grey eyes."What's your solution?" That you divide the load with someone who appreciates the situation you'rein. Someone who understands a little of what you're feeling. Someone who'sexperienced a change of sex and had to come to terms with it."I feel my mouth fall open."Are you suggesting we--" I'm offering to be the guy who tidies the flat while you're in thebathroom spewing up. I'm offering to be your punchbag when you want to lashout at someone. I'm offering to be there for you when it all gets toomuch."I want to shake my head and tell him to leave. I really do.Apart from anything else, he's just propositioned me. The kind ofrelationship he's describing won't last very long if I make him sleep onthe sofa. If I agree to him moving in I'll be giving him my tacitpermission to share my bed and therefore to expect regular sex. It can't beany other way.You're not thinking like a woman, Rich. It doesn't.
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